Tips For Overcoming Shyness

These tips for overcoming shyness will not help you to become the life of the party. They are about being comfortable with people. When you get over shyness, you can avoid feeling apprehensive about a party, or a social get together.

Reduce the prospects of people taking advantage of you, because you hesitate to “make a scene” in public. Be as comfortable in strange social circles as you are with family groups and close friends.

Unless you suffer from abnormal symptoms, needing professional help, follow these ideas to overcome shyness. Reserved people are respected and silence can be a powerful negotiating tool. In fact, your shyness can be turned into a powerful social asset!

  • A shy person is commonly viewed as being vulnerable, awkward, tongue tied and easily manipulated. Unfortunately this view is accepted as being true by the shy person.
  • A shy person cannot consciously produce a witticism or a swift gracious response.
  • A deep wisdom resides within the human mind. But, it can be consciously accessed only in a few cases.
  • The current emotion decides the response of the shy person. That emotion is largely determined by automatic inherited and acquired responses.
  • Being observed generates negative emotions, which have a powerful impact on the shy person.
  • Emotions can be stilled, through simple exercises, which calm the mind.
  • A shy person should not expect to become an extrovert overnight, but she can become calm and comfortable at a party.
  • When you become calm, you stop being a “wet blanket.” A calm and comfortable listener is valued in every party.
  • A comfortable reserve is respected.
  • Shyness can be a negotiating asset.
  • In marketing, a quiet willingness to help the customer can be a powerful asset.
  • Come to terms with bullies.
  • Shyness can be your greatest asset!

Tips For Overcoming Shyness - Common View Of A Shy Person
A shy person begins with a disadvantage. Most people quickly judge them to be more vulnerable. In new social groups, unable to share common comments and jokes, a shy newcomer feels tongue tied and awkward. Lacking “small talk,” she feels bad about being a “wet blanket” in the party. The school yard is an early learning ground for most long term social assessments. Children, who lack of confidence, or are awkward, are instantly identified and categorized into a “lower form of life.” They become quick targets for derision and attack by bullies. In business, negotiating opponents tend to interpret awkwardness as a weakness. Parents worry about how their shy offspring will ever survive in the harsh outer world. Over the years, a shy person accepts these wrong public public evaluations as being true.

Tips For Overcoming Shyness - The Built In Constraints
You can't control your reticence. Typically, the words you speak are delivered by subconscious and well established mechanisms within your nervous system. Even before you begin to speak, those systems complete a series of lightning fast processes. They form a feeling about an idea, paraphrase it into words, select the right words from a vocabulary of thousands of words and place them in grammatic order. Then these systems trigger motor impulses thousands of times per second to control the tone and tenor of your delivered voice. All these things happen within milliseconds. If you are tongue tied, it is because mechanisms, over which you have no conscious control, have decided to remain silent. While you frantically search for something to say, your subconscious systems choose to remain mute.

Tips For Overcoming Shyness - A Limited Inherited Wisdom
It is your mind, which decides to speak. Your brain stores memories of evolutionary experiences from millions of years. It remembers the sights, sounds and experiences of a lifetime. It stores the coded memories of thousands of habitual activities. These are astronomically large memory stores. As an example, if the DNA codes in the human body were written into 500 page books, those tomes will fill the Grand Canyon 50 times over! Your mind recalls responses come from this galactic store. It can recall the image of a school picnic, or instantly control the complex hand movements of your signature. But you cannot consciously make the system deliver witty replies or gracious words. It responds on its own.

Tips For Overcoming Shyness - Emotions Decide Your Responses
Over millions of years, evolution developed a triune brain with competing control systems within your nervous system. Your conscious prefrontal brain coexists with lower level mammalian and reptilian brains. Over eons, the lower level brains developed instinctive emotional strategies to sense your social position and manage your life in a herd. Your mirror neurons absorb group emotions and tensions. Your lower level brains absorb facial expressions of hostility, pity, or contempt and develop a dominant fear of social situations. Later, at a party, apprehension tenses your body and recalls memories of your past failures. Your system responds by freezing. In the meanwhile, your rational prefrontal brain, the seat of your consciousness, pleads “Say something. Anything!” Many mechanisms work to create the apprehension, which troubles you.

Tips For Overcoming Shyness - Observing Eyes & Apprehension
For our ancestors in the jungle, observation by a pair of eyes could mean instant death. The glimpse of a pair of ferocious eyes was the first signal before being eaten by a tiger. So, your system prepared instantly to fly or freeze, on spotting a pair of eyes in the dark. With civilization and culture, the danger of instant death faded, but the discomfort from observing eyes remains for the shy person. Observing eyes trigger disquiet. Being observed by strangers, or at parties adds subtle discomfort for the shy person. It is acceptable to trip on a carpet in your bedroom. But, if a thousand eyes watch you trip on the stage, you would want to die. A thousand eyes trigger stage fright. Such emotions trigger bodily tensions and responses, which cause varying degrees of discomfort to shy people.

Tips For Overcoming Shyness - Exercises To Still Emotions
Without your awareness, apprehension triggers responses within your body. Adrenalin increases to prepare your body for a flight or freeze response. Your heart beats increase to improve blood supply. Blood pressure rises and breathing changes. Acidity increases in the stomach. Your excretory system prepares to clear toxin. Apprehension is a pattern recognition response of your mind, which triggers bodily responses and causes you hidden discomfort.

Apprehension is an emotion, which can be stilled through simple exercises. The mind control tips in this website suggest ways to still your emotions. Through simple mechanical exercises, you can adapt a calm approach to life. You can learn to relax your muscles instantly and to still your visceral responses. You can learn to quiet the habitual instincts, which cause you tension in the company of strange people. You can learn to be calmly comfortable in any company.

Tips For Overcoming Shyness - Not The Life Of The Party!
Some people are born with an ability to respond with quick wit in company. But, it is not a skill, which is easily acquired. Recently I attended a classmates reunion 50 years after leaving college. People change over the years. Hesitant youngsters become more confident, but tired and retired, executives. The changes also indicate what is practically possible in life. In some ways, people don't change all that much. After five decades, the same witty people had everyone in splits and the same tedious ones persisted with their worn-out jokes. Very few are born with comic talents and it is not easy for others to acquire them. But, over the years, the shy ones become far less uncomfortable in company. By stilling subconscious discomforts through effective mind control, a shy person can become calm and comfortable in company.

Tips For Overcoming Shyness - Tension Lowers Party Spirits
You don't need to "spoil" a party. In company, people become uncomfortable if they sense tension. They have mirror neurons, which “mirror” the behavior of others in company. Those neurons support the generation of identical emotions within a group. Tension in one animal is conveyed quickly throughout the herd. It is a survival mechanism. So, effectively, the tensions of a shy person will also transmit to the group, and lower spirits all round. Naturally, the shy person fears becoming a “wet blanket.” On the other hand, when you still your apprehension and become comfortable, the same comfort raises the spirits of the group. You become a comfortable listener, leaving the extroverts to enjoy a “great party.”

Tips For Overcoming Shyness - Silence Is Strength
Your shyness can also become your strength. A calm and comfortable person will be happily accepted, since he provides no competition to the extroverts. Everybody loves a person, who listens. People with a quiet reserve are respected and their few words are invariably valued. People interpret a quiet silence as a deeper wisdom. The shy person must understand that being quiet is not a disadvantage, even as she watches the more vocal individuals gathering all the attention. The more audible members of a community are not necessarily the most respected ones.

Tips For Overcoming Shyness - Silence & Negotiating Strength
Shy people are perceived to be vulnerable in negotiating situations. If your shyness causes you tension, it will affect your judgment and the negotiation. But, if a natural shyness prevents you from being verbose and you have managed to still any tensions, you are in the best position for a negotiation. Your silences will cause your opponent to reveal more and bargain for less. A lack of emotion will indicate your willingness to walk away from the deal. Silence is an incredibly powerful negotiating tool!

Tips For Overcoming Shyness - Selling Is About Helping Customer
A shy individual can also become a powerful sales person. Many of the most successful salesmen are quiet people, who have an intense focus on the needs of the customer. People need assistance in their buying decisions and are invariably put off by “high powered” sales tactics. Do not shy away from the sales profession, if you happen to be shy. Remember that a calm, informed and helpful approach can be your best selling competence!

Tips For Overcoming Shyness - Bullies In Public Places
There are situations, where a loud voice and an aggressive approach appear to win. You are member of a committee, where a domineering member takes over and manages affairs. Shy people find it difficult to overcome their innate reserve and respond suitably in such situations. Such committees, with members who do not contribute, are fated to be flawed. It is better to avoid situations, where you feel you cannot contribute your mite. If you are unavoidably in such situations, calmly accept reality and do whatever is possible within your limitations. But, don't let your helplessness bother you. Loudness never makes up for substance and a calm approach will keep you ready for an opportunity, which will come one day.

Tips For Overcoming Shyness - Calm Reserve Is Powerful
When your shyness causes you awkwardness and discomfort, you have an emotional problem, which can easily be overcome with a few exercises. After you have largely overcome the emotional problem, you will still be left with the fact that, by nature, you are a reserved person. A quick wit is a system quality, which can only be inherited, or achieved through long practice in special situations. Do not expect to change your nature and become a jovial extrovert! Loud people always become the center of public attention. If you do crave a good opinion from the public, remember that calm reserve is interpreted as strength. Become comfortable with being a silent listener.

This page was last updated on 02-Jan-2014



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For my peace of mind, I earmarked 20 minutes for meditation on the terrace. With my eyes closed, I sense my hands on the chair and feel the numbness in my feet.

I feel my breath flowing through my nose, my throat, my chest and my stomach. I can hear the chirping of birds, the phut phut of auto rickshaws, the occasional roar of a truck and the insistent hooting of horns.

When I open my eyes, I see a pale moon over two hundred thousand miles away. I see the nuclear fires, blazing for millions of years in the pale globe of the setting sun. A star millions of miles away in space.

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Diffused light from the sun reflects off a parrot on the tree and enters my eye through a pinhole opening. I sense the bustling mood of the bird, even though it is smaller than a drop of water in my eyes.

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It carries me into the heart of millions of invisible neurons, where electrical charges flash thousands of times a second powering my contemplation. I see the campaigns of Julius Caesar and Alexander. I feel the longings of Jehangir.

Already my mind has taken me to palaces, battlefields and even the stars. And yet, the 20 minutes hang heavily on me. If I lost everything, but can just see and feel, in just a few brief minutes, my mind can travel the world, or imagine the cosmos.

Life has already blessed me with over twenty million waking minutes. I have an infinity of time on my hands. Have I a right to expect more from life?

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