Overcoming envy and jealousy is a crying need for good natured people, because they feel ashamed of those emotions. Jealousy clearly differs from envy. Jealousy originates from fear or anger over the prospect of failure in achieving a desired goal. Career growth, a partner's love, or a mother's undivided attention are usually the threatened goals. Envy originates from regret, leading to anger, over one's powerlessness to get an alluring asset owned by a perceived equal.
A neighbor's brand new car triggers envy. Jealousy originates from the prospect of failure and envy from actual failure. These distressing human emotions are sad left overs from an animal past. When you have such feelings, you can overcome envy and jealousy using themind control tips in this website. But, if you are a victim of jealousy or envy, your options to escape their ill effects are limited.
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Overcoming Envy And Jealousy - Evolutionary History
Nerve signals trigger a pang of jealousy in Joe, when the boss praises his colleague's report. Those signals originate from neural systems with millions of years of evolutionary history. Those systems , enabled animals to survive in a hostile world. They respond within milliseconds of sensing danger. Within the blink of an eye, the animal's body prepares for fight, or flight. Fear, or anger triggers immediate responses. Adrenalin increases. Heart beats increase to improve blood supply. Blood pressure rises and breathing changes. Acidity increases in the stomach. The excretory system prepares to clear toxin. For Joe, the subconscious emotions of anger, or fear are triggered by the intuitive capacity of his nervous system to sense incredibly subtle patterns of danger.
Overcoming Envy And Jealousy - Pattern Recognition Wisdom
How can a few words from the boss, or a glimpse of expensive jewelry trigger painful emotions? Nature stores knowledge on an unimaginable scale within your body. As an example, if the total DNA codes in the human body were written into 500 page books, those tomes will fill the Grand Canyon 50 times over! Joe's brain stores memories of evolutionary experiences from millions of years. It remembers his poor marks in school twenty years ago, or the data he overlooked in his report. A word of praise from Joe's boss to his colleague can bring, within milliseconds, images of his weak report and its imagined, or real career consequences. Within that time span his body begins to respond.
Overcoming Envy And Jealousy - Awareness Follows Emotions
Joe has no conscious control over the responses of his body. Conscious awareness comes after his mind processes data. The brilliant experiments of Benjamin Libet uncovered the gulf between motor activity and awareness. He studied subjects who voluntarily pressed a button, while noting the position of a dot on a computer screen, which shifted its position every 43 milliseconds. The noted moment of depressing the button was the moment of conscious awareness; the exact instant the subject thought the button was pressed. Each time, Libet had also timed the beginning of motor neuron activity in the brains of his subjects. He discovered that awareness occurred 350 milliseconds AFTER the beginning of motor activity. Overcoming envy, or jealousy is Joe's task after those emotions have already taken control of his mind.
Overcoming Envy And Jealousy - The Types Of Jealousy
Jealousy can be both good and bad. Thomas Jefferson believed that it was jealousy, which protected a truly free government and enabled it to prosper. Jealousy is a primary and evolutionary pattern recognition response. Everybody experiences it because of imagined, or real fears. The perennial fear of failure triggers jealousy against perceived rivals in a competitive world. In public life, jealousy increases public vigilance. Romantic jealousy fears abandonment, loss of love, or of being dishonored in a relationship. For valued friendships, jealousy is triggered by the possibility of losing influence or times spent together. Competitive jealousy among siblings constantly causes friction in families. At abnormal levels, extreme insecurity, immaturity, or the tendency to be a “control freak” can trigger morbid, psychotic, pathological, or delusional jealousy.
Overcoming Envy And Jealousy - Behaviors Triggered by Jealousy
Jealousy increases awareness and reduces judgment. There is greater awareness of the competitor's actions. Often innocent actions are assumed to contain ulterior motives. A fair judgment of the competitor becomes difficult. A jealous person takes precautionary measures. Fear of a repetition of previous experiences of failure trigger angry and vindictive attacks. Jealousy increases one's sense of insecurity and reduces feelings of self worth, leading to dejection and depression. Sibling jealousy leads to constant fights in families. Marital jealousy leads to repetitive cycles of violence. A man beats up his wife in a jealous rage. Her pain makes him sorry and he asks for forgiveness. She forgives him and hopes that the gentler phase of their relationship will persist. But, later jealousy attacks again and the cycles of violence continue.
Overcoming Envy And Jealousy - Coping With Sibling Jealousy
Normal sibling rivalry in larger families cause constant bickering between children and strain their weary parents. Jealousy is triggered when the fight for a window seat, or when the choice of a place to eat is lost. While parents can try to be fair, one person has to lose in any choice. The more emotional children are likely to respond with anger, or dejection. Parents should spend one on one time with each child. Consider each incident as an opportunity to make the child learn the concept that life is not fair. It always hands out uneven shares of problems and opportunities. Each child also has her own unique talents and weaknesses. Unreasonable anger, or self pity will only weaken them in a competitive world. Childhood experiences should lead to maturity, where they learn to cope with their difficulties, while calmly accepting inequality and occasional failures.
Overcoming Envy And Jealousy - Normal Marital Jealousy
Problems of marital jealousy are common in the early phases of most marriages. Men who have such problems begin with a low sense of self esteem. Locker room stories of infidelity add to their insecurity. Youthful imagination makes them intensely aware of signals of real or imagined infidelity. Uncommon jealousy may cause them to call to "check in," or to monitor telephone and address books. After usually groundless probes, men feel ashamed of their behavior and become even more insecure. Such confrontations can lead to increasing cycles of disharmony. A loving partner can assure the man of his innate worth and help him to accept himself as he is. If the man has a degree of self awareness, he can also get over the problem himself. This website offers mind control tips to people, who are sensitive enough to feel uncomfortable about their pangs of jealousy and would like to free themselves of those instinctive responses.
Overcoming Envy And Jealousy - Abnormal Jealousy
Some men acquire patterns of violence in managing relationships early in childhood. They believe that anger, or violence can bring about a desired change. Since habitual anger wells up, without their conscious awareness, they sincerely believe their responses to be normal, when faced with their unique set of problems. Eugene Gendlin has assisted such people worldwide, including prison inmates, and psychotic patients in dealing with such problems. He found that his patients actually benefited from therapy, only when they were willing to attribute difficulties to internal causes. To be cured, a man needed a capacity to become self aware.
Unfortunately, since self awareness is possible for only for a small group of sensitive people, violently jealous husbands remain an unsolved problem for society. Some women have the strength of will to respond with self assurance to violence. They can avoid further violence by firmly warning their partner at the outset that violence will immediately end their marriage, or be reported to the police. At the same time, the woman should be vigilant in keeping and maintaining trust and avoid behaviors, which can sow the seeds of suspicion. But, in the vast majority of cases, the victim will be too frightened to take such action. Wherever possible, the victim should speedily seek the assistance of friends, or family to escape from such situations.
Overcoming Envy And Jealousy - Dealing With Pangs Of Jealousy
Sensitive people feel ashamed of feeling jealous, when the boss speaks kindly to a colleague, or when their partner speaks to a friend. An awareness of that discomfort can help you to change your life! Never underestimate the power of these signals. With its vast wisdom, your mind has identified danger to one of your cherished goals. Your discomfort comes, because your mind has already discovered a subconscious weakness. You don't consciously know what it is. Search your mind for the reasons.
Remember that hostility towards a perceived competitor underlies your own fear that you may not achieve your goal. It is not the competitor's faults, but your own weaknesses, which trigger fears and discomfort within you. The best way to bring out the weakness is to write down a shopping list of all the things, which bother you about this situation. (The method is described in the Self Improvement Plan.) One of the seemingly innocuous things you write could be the pivotal underlying problem behind your discomfort. Think about what action you can take. If this new possibility threatens your cherished goal, think whether you can change your goal, or accept the consequences of failure. When you have a plan to deal with the problem, or have accepted the possibility of failure, you will not be troubled by jealousy.
Overcoming Envy And Jealousy - A False Sense of Justice
Envy is founded on the wrong premises. Human beings have a sense of fairness. Parents try to treat their children equally and our political systems emphasizes the equality of all people. This sense that we deserve a fair share of things is at the root of envy. Unfortunately, life is not fair. While everybody would like to have equal opportunities and talents, the distribution of benefits is widely distorted. There will always be others with more talents, wealth, or health.
Nor is fairness a workable social concept. Human achievements were made possible by the brilliant ideas of a few. The person, who invented the wheel alone contributed lifetimes of effort to all of humanity. Society needs to reward those who contribute ideas and management skills. History shows that depriving them leads but to the poverty of the socialist systems. Our own prosperity depends on the recognition and reward of talents and responsibilities. Even if it conflicts with our sense of fairness, we need to reconcile ourselves to the idea that a society can thrive only if it rewards those who contribute more. Once this reality of the world around us seeps in, overcoming envy is easier.
Overcoming Envy And Jealousy - Effortlessly Stop Envy!
Envy is an emotion which refuses to accept failure. It makes you feel pain, so that you will do something about it. Triggered by social comparison, the envy drive follows several paths, each path adding to your pain. Envy focuses on your neighbor, triggering sequential visions of her many successes. Each vision will be compared with your failures, intensifying your torment. Envy then adds the pain of guilt, since it is shameful to feel envy. When you remember that her successes are accompanied by problems, envy says “Aw, just sour grapes!” You feel guilty about the need to find “excuses” for your failures. Envy then adds more pain by reminding you that the feeling itself is a sign of failure. “You are feeling bad, because you failed!” Envy strikes without your conscious awareness. When you feel it, it is already too late! Your mind has begun comparing and the process immediately highlights your failures.
Only self awareness can stop these escalating drives. Identifying the emotion as it is triggered can stop the drive in its tracks. Become aware of your habitual patterns of comparison. Recognize the onset of the “Not fair!” feeling. Most people justify their ill will as a fairness issue. The sense of failure triggers anger, which is redirected as anger towards a cruel fate, or an innocent victim. Looking from the outside on those feelings will help to still the emotion. After all, so far, your best efforts have still led to failure. Such failure has to be acknowledged. Such acceptance can help you to still envy. Self awareness will put your RB in charge. Calmly accepting failure, your RB will make plans for the future. Overcoming envy is a matter of improved self awareness through constant practice!
You must also permanently remove the distress, which habitually brings on the troubling attacks of envy. You need to come to terms with your pain. Evaluate the issues that bother you in this particular case. Do you not have advantages, which the other lacks? Can you do something to win next time? Can you not discover equally satisfying, but achievable goals elsewhere? Can you not cherish the many advantages that you have in life? You will not feel envy, when you have come terms with your pain. Accepting the reality of your own failures will still envy and make you feel a better person. The success of your neighbor will then only inspire you to do better in your own life. Carry on your life by doing your best, without comparing.
This page was last updated on 21-Jan-2014
For my peace of mind, I earmarked 20 minutes for meditation on the terrace. With my eyes closed, I sense my hands on the chair and feel the numbness in my feet.
I feel my breath flowing through my nose, my throat, my chest and my stomach. I can hear the chirping of birds, the phut phut of auto rickshaws, the occasional roar of a truck and the insistent hooting of horns.
When I open my eyes, I see a pale moon over two hundred thousand miles away. I see the nuclear fires, blazing for millions of years in the pale globe of the setting sun. A star millions of miles away in space.
I can see green shoots coming up on a tree, watch the dives and swoops of birds, the great circles of the hawks and flocks of birds flying home for the night.
Diffused light from the sun reflects off a parrot on the tree and enters my eye through a pinhole opening. I sense the bustling mood of the bird, even though it is smaller than a drop of water in my eyes.
All these things are seen and felt by me in a few brief minutes. In the distance, is the head of a man seeming to be no bigger than a pea. Yet, that head too sees and feels such things. Ten million people in this great city see and feel in ten million ways.
My mind wanders to a misty view of postwar London; an exciting glimpse of Disneyland. An awed view of Tiananmen Square. The looming Himalayan ranges. My mind takes me to distant galaxies.
It carries me into the heart of millions of invisible neurons, where electrical charges flash thousands of times a second powering my contemplation. I see the campaigns of Julius Caesar and Alexander. I feel the longings of Jehangir.
Already my mind has taken me to palaces, battlefields and even the stars. And yet, the 20 minutes hang heavily on me. If I lost everything, but can just see and feel, in just a few brief minutes, my mind can travel the world, or imagine the cosmos.
Life has already blessed me
with over twenty million waking minutes. I have an infinity of time
on my hands. Have I a right to expect more from life?
I really loved the self improvement plan post. Its great food for thought and the steps are actually actionable as compared to many other self help sites out there.
Joe Glen USA.
As a clinical therapist, I have found your site very useful!
I love it. ...
Andrew Montgomery USA.