I find difficulty in controlling my mind and my emotions.

Problem: The girl who used to talk to me a lot now a days scolds me whenever i call her. i want to avoid her but after every two days i feel like calling her. can you suggest me something by which i can control myself and concentrate on my career. Waiting for your reply..

You have already taken the first step to control yourself and to concentrate on your career. Your rational brain, (RB) has realized that you have a problem and has moved to deal with it. It acted to search for advice. Knowing that you have a problem is the hardest part. Most people live with their problems, without any idea that that they can be solved. The remaining part is simple.

Watch your thoughts and urges (physiological responses in your body) and become familiar with them. Matthieu Ricard, a Buddhist monk at Shechan Monastery in Kathmandu said: "One may wonder what people do in retreats, sitting for eight hours a day. They familiarize themselves with a new way of dealing with the arising of thoughts. When you start getting used to recognizing thoughts as they arise, it is like rapidly spotting someone you know in a crowd. When a powerful thought or anger arises, you recognize it. That helps you to avoid being overwhelmed by this thought."

Such self awareness is an RB process. Observe the messages from your subconscious, which make you feel you need to call the girl. You will have an “Aha!” moment of discovery, when you first catch the urge. Observation by RB will shut off the troubling message. You can then go peacefully back to work.

All the best for your career.

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NEED MORE?

For my peace of mind, I earmarked 20 minutes for meditation on the terrace. With my eyes closed, I sense my hands on the chair and feel the numbness in my feet.

I feel my breath flowing through my nose, my throat, my chest and my stomach. I can hear the chirping of birds, the phut phut of auto rickshaws, the occasional roar of a truck and the insistent hooting of horns.

When I open my eyes, I see a pale moon over two hundred thousand miles away. I see the nuclear fires, blazing for millions of years in the pale globe of the setting sun. A star millions of miles away in space.

I can see green shoots coming up on a tree, watch the dives and swoops of birds, the great circles of the hawks and flocks of birds flying home for the night.

Diffused light from the sun reflects off a parrot on the tree and enters my eye through a pinhole opening. I sense the bustling mood of the bird, even though it is smaller than a drop of water in my eyes.

All these things are seen and felt by me in a few brief minutes. In the distance, is the head of a man seeming to be no bigger than a pea. Yet, that head too sees and feels such things. Ten million people in this great city see and feel in ten million ways.

My mind wanders to a misty view of postwar London; an exciting glimpse of Disneyland. An awed view of Tiananmen Square. The looming Himalayan ranges. My mind takes me to distant galaxies.

It carries me into the heart of millions of invisible neurons, where electrical charges flash thousands of times a second powering my contemplation. I see the campaigns of Julius Caesar and Alexander. I feel the longings of Jehangir.

Already my mind has taken me to palaces, battlefields and even the stars. And yet, the 20 minutes hang heavily on me. If I lost everything, but can just see and feel, in just a few brief minutes, my mind can travel the world, or imagine the cosmos.

Life has already blessed me with over twenty million waking minutes. I have an infinity of time on my hands. Have I a right to expect more from life?

COMMENT:
I really loved the self improvement plan post. Its great food for 
thought and the steps are actually actionable as compared to many other self help sites out there.
Joe Glen USA.

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As a clinical therapist, I have found your site very useful!
I love it. ...
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